SELF-DEFENSE EDUCATION

Progressive Boundary Setting for Interpersonal Conflict

2011-02-17T13:40:00.000-08:00

The Goldilocks Paradox The Goldilocks Paradox is made up of two parts. Goldilocks means that every instance of interpersonal conflict has an optimum response that falls in the range of not being too much and not being too little. It is “just right”. A response that is too much can escalate the situation unnecessarily. A response that is too little can be ineffective and allow the situation to escalate. The Paradox is that while the majority of conflict resolution and self-defense techniques, tips, and advice taught by “experts” may have validity, they are unlikely to be “just right” for the individual and the particular situation at hand.

Progressive Boundary Setting Progressive Boundary Setting is an escalating series of communicating and enforcing behavioral limits. Progressive Boundary Setting is done by individuals through visual, verbal, and physical means. It is done by society through social pressure, rules, and laws. Progressive Boundary Setting determines and is the “just right” response to almost all situations of interpersonal conflict. Visual boundary setting is done primarily through the use of body language. Verbal boundary setting is done through assertive use of the voice. Physical boundary setting is done through physical actions. Therefore, the majority of conflict resolution and self-defense techniques, tips, and advice for interpersonal conflict may be viewed as a piece of Progressive Boundary Setting. For individuals, Progressive Boundary Setting is not an instinctive reaction. It is a learned behavioral response that must be learned and practiced through trial and error in order to be effective.

Civilized vs. Uncivilized Societies and Social vs. Anti-Social People

Respecting behavioral limits is the defining factor the separates civilized societies from uncivilized societies. It is also the defining factor that separates social people from anti-social people. In a situation of interpersonal conflict Progressive Boundary Setting is the most effective pro-active method for determining whether a person respects the limits of civilized society and will not use violence, or is anti-social and may use violence to satisfy his or her needs. Progressive Boundary Setting is used by the society as a whole to maintain respect and order. Every social structure whether private or public has some method of communicating and enforcing behavioral limits. Private organizations use rules, regulations, and penalties. The government communicates through legislative agencies and enforces through the police and the court system.

Progressive Boundary Setting is Effective with Both Social and Anti-Social People When there is a conflict between fundamentally social people, the use of ineffective methods of conflict resolution such as passiveness or aggressiveness will be unlikely to lead to violence due to the adherence to behavior limits of the people involved. But these methods are ineffective and may escalate the situation towards violence when dealing with an anti-social person. Progressive Boundary Setting has the flexibility to both handle social conflict and to provide the conviction needed to deal with the violence associated with conflict with an anti-social person.

The use of Progressive Boundary Setting is the “just right” response that solves the Goldilocks Paradox during situations of interpersonal conflict.

Bookmark: The 3A's of Street Harassment Disruption

2010-11-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

Postcard: Street Harassment

2010-11-05T05:01:00.000-07:00

Bookmark: Defeat Dating and Domestic Violence

2010-09-16T11:16:00.001-07:00

Postcard: A Community Problem Requires a Community Solution

2010-07-05T05:57:00.000-07:00

Bookmark: The 5D's of Bully-Defense

2010-07-01T13:42:00.001-07:00

Postcard: Community Policing is Self-Defense for Society

2010-06-08T10:37:00.000-07:00

Bookmark: Defeat Violence - Think Locally Act Locally

2010-05-24T13:01:00.001-07:00

Bookmark: 5D's of Self-Defense

2009-09-10T06:22:00.000-07:00

Some of the organizations using our materials

NOT-ME! is currently distributing free educational personal safety bookmarks to at-risk populations, colleges, police, and self-defense instructors across the country.

Here is what campus security and the police are saying about the bookmarks:

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Request Educational Materials

2008-10-05T10:12:00.001-07:00

WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY
Five easily remembered, yet comprehensive questions.
How you use them is up to you.

DECIDE DETER DISRUPT DISENGAGE DEBRIEF
Five easily remembered, yet comprehensive steps of self-defense
How you use them is up to you.

Send an email to info@not-me.org to request our educational materials.

Large Postcard: 5D's & Physical Assertiveness Summary

2008-10-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

The 5D's of Self-Defense Tri-Fold Broshure

2008-10-02T23:00:00.000-07:00

Learning self-defense requires simplifying the concepts of self-defense into a blueprint of manageable steps.

This tri-fold double sided broshure summerizes the 5D's of Self-Defense, illustrates the relationship between the multiple concepts of self-defense, and introduces the 5D Decision for Life.

Physical Assertiveness booklet

2008-10-01T14:21:00.000-07:00

This twenty page booklet will teach you the concept of Physical Assertiveness.

Table of Contents

What Would You Do? 3
Physical Assertiveness and the 5 D’s of Self-Defense. 4
What is Physical Assertiveness? 5
Who needs Physical Assertiveness? 6
When is Physical Assertiveness Used? 7
Where is Physical Assertiveness Used? 7
How is Physical Assertiveness Used? 8
Why is Physical Assertiveness Effective? 8
How is Physical Assertiveness Different from Assertiveness? 9 How is Physical Assertiveness Different from Self-Defense? 11
Examples of Employing Physical Assertiveness 12
What May Happen If You Don’t Use Physical Assertiveness. 13
A Step by Step Guide to Physical Assertiveness 14
When Physical Assertiveness is Not Enough 16
Appendix A: The 5 D’s of Self-Defense 17
Appendix B: The D-Cycle of Defeat 18
The 5D Decision for Life 19

The 5D's and the Psychological Side of Self-Defense

2008-09-26T07:05:00.000-07:00

Learning self-defense requires understanding the powerful role of mental states and emotions in relation to aggression and the response to it.

The single sheet handout illustrates the relationship between the 5D's of self-defense and the mindset, emotional, and physical state that characterizes each 5D step.

The Five Stages of Violent Assault

2008-09-25T07:58:00.000-07:00

Learning self-defense requires understanding criminal behavior. The five stages of violent assault is a model for providing insight in to predatory assaults.

This single sheet handout visually illustrates the timeline of an assault and provides clues for foiling the attacker.

The Five Stages of Assault and Crime Statistics

2008-09-24T09:56:00.000-07:00

Learning self-defense requires understanding the pattern of how assaults actually occur, who commits them, and who is most likely to be victimized.

This one page handout illustrates the five stages of assault in reference to two stories of actual attacks. It also highlights statistics on crime from the Bureau of Justice.

The 5D Grid

2008-09-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

The 5D Grid is a reference model that combines the three major factors of a personal safety situation. Those factors are the magnitude of the aggressor(s) criminal intent, the elements that make up the self-defense plan of action, and the resulting
consequences, and after-effects of the self-defense plan of action.

Making Sense of Self-Defense booklet

2008-09-24T07:55:00.000-07:00

Making Sense of Self-Defense™ booklet is now available.

This thirty page booklet will help you make sense of self-defense.

Table of Contents

Introduction to the 5 D’s of Self-Defense. 3
What Does All the Advice Really Mean? 4
The Experts Do Not Agree on Self-Defense. 6
Advice From Non-Experts is Also Confusing. 8
A Little Knowledge Can Be Dangerous 10
Weapons of Mass Confusion 11
News Snippits Will Confuse You Even More 12
“Sound Bites” of Self-Defense 13
Use the 5 D’s to Create a Framework 14
The 5 D’s of Self-Defense Defined 15
Centerfold Diagram of the 5 D’s 16-17
The 5 D’s Defined - continued 18-19
News Stories That Illustrate the 5 D’s. 20
Learning From Example Scenarios. 21
The Faces of the 5 D’s of Self-Defense. 23
The Five Stages of Physical Assault. 24
Illustration of the 5 Stages From News Stories. 25
How Much Crime Occurs. 26
Who is Victimized. 26
The 5 D’s and the Psychological Side of Self-Defense. 27
What Comes Next? 28

A 3 Petal Plan - A Method to Convey Concepts

2008-09-23T19:31:00.000-07:00

A 3 Petal Plan is a method to graphically group related concepts in order to make the overall plan easier to comprehend, convey, and carryout. The center of the petals represents the subject of the plan. Each petal represents a grouped concept. The concepts may be grouped in different manners depending upon the specifics of the plan. There can also be a 4 Petal Plan, a 5 Petal Plan, and more.